


pride

by MrGrumpyGills43



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxious Tsukishima Kei, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, an idea of what takes place after the moment at the tokyo summer camp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28930086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrGrumpyGills43/pseuds/MrGrumpyGills43
Summary: He didn't know how long he stayed like that, on the ground, crying like a kid who got pushed over at the playground. It shouldn't have surprised him when he heard someone come to a stop in front of him."Tsukki? Are you… crying?""Please," he laughed, a feeble sound that was made worse from how hoarse his voice had gotten, "don't."
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 107





	pride

It was in the middle of the night after yet another long day of practice games that found Tsukishima unable to sleep. Yamaguchi slept beside him, cradling his pillow and drooling all over it. Behind him, he could hear the snores of the third years, surprisingly noisier than the idiot duo. Every so often he'd hear a mumble from where most of the second years laid. It was nothing Tsukishima hadn't had to deal with before. No, it wasn't his teammates' sleep habits keeping him awake. 

He turned to his side facing away from Yamaguchi, trying to be as quiet as possible, and curled up to make himself smaller. His thoughts were racing with things that had happened that evening. Yamaguchi getting tired of Tsukishima's bullshit, Bokuto giving him advice, being pulled into yet another practice session with Kuroo, Akaashi, and Bokuto. All in all, a few things happened in the span of a couple of hours that he still had yet to process. 

Tsukishima wasn't one to dwell on his emotions, but the aforementioned events left him with a twisted feeling in his gut. 

_ You disappointed him _ .

The thought shot straight through to Tsukishima's heart, his body instinctively tenseing. 

_ Sure, things have blown over for now, but how long until this happens again? Face it, you aren't willing to change and grow that much, even for  _ him.  _ You disappointed him, and it won't be the last time.  _

And though his body ached and begged for rest, Tsukishima silently dragged himself up. Grabbing his glasses, he was careful to not jostle anyone, especially Yamaguchi, as he left. There was little light except for the moon shining through the window, but he managed to leave the room without waking or running into any of his teammates. 

Once free from that hurdle, he continued to make his way outside. All the while, his thoughts swirled and grew heavier. No matter how little he tried to pay attention to them, they still knew exactly where to attack. It was his own doing after all, who knew his weaknesses better than himself?

Outside, the late night breeze was a stark contrast to the summer heat that bared down on them during the day. The wind was cool on his face, forgiving. 

_ What makes you think you've earned the right to have him in your life still? What makes you think you won't do this again in the future? Or something even worse? _

Tsukishima's brain continued its attack, merciless. Without even trying to stop it, hot tears began bubbling up and streaming down his face. He muffled his sobs behind his hands, falling back against the wall until he was huddled in on himself. The stream of consciousness was endless, and in the moment, he felt as if he deserved it all. 

He didn't know how long he stayed like that, on the ground, crying like a kid who got pushed over at the playground. It shouldn't have surprised him when he heard someone come to a stop in front of him. 

"Tsukki? Are you… crying?"

"Please," he laughed, a feeble sound that was made worse from how hoarse his voice had gotten, "don't."

Without a word, Yamaguchi sat down beside him. Sparing a quick glance, Tsukishima saw the other had brought his blanket and was wrapped in it snugly. It made his heart pang, and he quickly averted his eyes. 

They sat in silence while Tsukishima calmed himself. His breathing evened out and he wiped his face with the bottom of his shirt. Gross, sure, but it was all he had at the moment. 

Yamaguchi had the grace to wait until his friend was calm before trying again. "Is it because of what happened earlier?"

Tsukishima didn't answer. 

"You know I'm not mad at you, right, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi's voice was gentle, far kinder than Tsukishima deserved.

He could feel the other's eyes on him, burning a hole into his head. How could he respond to that?  _ Maybe not now, but one day you will be. One day you'll get angry enough with me to walk away. I can't- won't be able to survive it _ . 

Pathetic. Tsukishima was being pathetic. 

Beside him, Yamaguchi sighed. "Not talking about it isn't going to help you or make you feel better."

"Maybe I don't deserve it," Tsukishima replied, voice cracking. He didn't really. He knew he didn't. 

"Tsukki… you're really stupid for a smart guy."

The insult was enough to finally get Tsukishima to look up again. Yamaguchi wasn't looking at him anymore, instead focusing on his hands folded in his lap. "I don't think you deserve to feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. I just know you can do  _ more _ . I know you're scared of it. Hell," Yamaguchi laughed softly, "you don't have to ever explain being scared to me. It's scary, but that's all the more reason to try, isn't it? So it's that much more satisfying when it goes right."

"It's like," Yamaguchi looked up, using his hands to gesture along in front of him. "When I was on the court in Inter-High, I was terrified that I was going to miss up."

"And you did," Tsukishima pointed out. He didn't mean it rudely, and from the grin Yamaguchi gave him, he understood that. 

"Right, I did. But that just gave me that much more motivation to get better. Just so I could get another chance. When I practice and it goes in, the feeling I get is indescribable. It's awesome. And I guess I just want you to feel that, too."

Not for the first time, Tsukishima is stunned by how kind his best friend is. To others, it seemed that it was Yamaguchi hanging off of Tsukishima. But Tsukishima knew better. He knew that he was the one who was tightly clinging on. 

Suddenly embarrassed, Yamaguchi ducked his head and looked away once again. "Sorry, Tsukki. You probably don't want others making decisions for you-"

Tsukishima cut off whatever else Yamaguchi had to say by resting his head on the other's shoulder. The rest of his body fell limp in turn, Yamaguchi quickly readjusting so the blanket was pulled over both of their shoulders. 

The boys were quiet as they leaned on one another, comfortable in their silence. Time passed, and gradually, Tsukishima relaxed. His mind was quiet for the moment, soothed by Yamaguchi's reassurances. 

He wouldn't always have Yamaguchi around to help him, but at least he did in the moment. For now, Tsukishima let himself be cared for. 

**Author's Note:**

> i dont use any social media anymore so uhh idk just talk to me here ig?? ik its not much of a pairing fic and its kinda short. oops


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